i cannot say that i wasn't hurt. I was NEVER not hurt. I tried to mask the pain with my fake smiles.. but he noticed. I tried to convince him that I was okay, that it all didn't matter to me, but they did. All the things he spilled that night, all of them mattered to me.
Every single word he was saying, was stabbing my heart so hard, that i can't help but hide the tears from inside. As he was talking, i pictured everything in my mind, stripping of the joy of being with him. I should have enjoyed that night, but we confessed. His confessions were a lot more painful than how i thought they would be.
I was unfair though. I never got the chance to speak. I didn't even say everything, coz i didn't want him to feel the pain i felt when he talked.
But i still care. I do care. I even loved him more. That's what i didn't understand that night. Though i was hurt.
I've been out all day, without wearing a smile on my face, and i was not used to it. All of the people surrounding me threw questions that i never answered. I was on this denial stage, pulling out the other me as my defense mechanism - Reaction Formation. I keep saying, "Everything's Fine, i'm just tired" but the real me screams, "I am not ok. I am never okay."
Sometimes, SILENCE IS THE WAY TO LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU EXIST. he was the only person i ever wanted for this day, but he was never here. i never found him.
Every single word he was saying, was stabbing my heart so hard, that i can't help but hide the tears from inside. As he was talking, i pictured everything in my mind, stripping of the joy of being with him. I should have enjoyed that night, but we confessed. His confessions were a lot more painful than how i thought they would be.
I was unfair though. I never got the chance to speak. I didn't even say everything, coz i didn't want him to feel the pain i felt when he talked.
But i still care. I do care. I even loved him more. That's what i didn't understand that night. Though i was hurt.
I've been out all day, without wearing a smile on my face, and i was not used to it. All of the people surrounding me threw questions that i never answered. I was on this denial stage, pulling out the other me as my defense mechanism - Reaction Formation. I keep saying, "Everything's Fine, i'm just tired" but the real me screams, "I am not ok. I am never okay."
Sometimes, SILENCE IS THE WAY TO LET PEOPLE KNOW YOU EXIST. he was the only person i ever wanted for this day, but he was never here. i never found him.
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