last friday, the 9th.

i really, really wanted to talk to you, but i guess i was scared. I was scared that it would hurt me so much. I'm sorry for being selfish. I waited for you to talk to me, or even look at me, but I got nothing. I was so down. I never felt so sad like i was yesterday, ever before. I miss you so bad. 


*I was so excited to see you, the day before yesterday. I was so excited to go to church. I was early too, hoping that i could see you. I saw some of your school mates and asked them where were you, they told me you're upstairs, i was so happy to hear that, cause I know that few minutes i would be seeing you. 
*I went inside, and i saw some people. I waited for you, but you still were not coming. I waited a little more. 
*They arrived. And I had someone to talk to. The laughs, the smiles - yes i had some of them. But they could never be the laughs and smiles I have when I am with you. Then I miss you a lot more.
*I heard one of them calling you. My heart started to beat faster. I pretended that i didn't hear your name. I saw you in my peripherals, you were getting closer. I couldn't help it so i glanced a bit to see you. You looked at me, and threw that simple smile of yours. But that smile, was a bit different though. I was drawing out blood from myself that time, and I couldn't even concentrate coz I was thinking what could be the problem, why your smile was strange. 
*And then I figured. (I need not to spill out that part here coz you know what happened that night)
*I couldn't forgive myself for giving in to  their request. I was guilty though, coz in some way, i  was the one who gave them the idea of having that blood compact, which was supposed to be sacredly OURS, as you've said it. 
*My mind's b locked as I saw you walked away. I couldn't think of anything but you. I started to have this bad night syndrome. I saw you left. I couldn't look a little longer. 
*They can't talk to me, coz I was a mess. If I could only bring back that moment.. I would erase that part where I hurt you.. 
*I went home, so sad. I messaged you, and you didn't answer. I couldn't sleep that night, I was thinking of you. I never even heard you say, "see you later, SM." I miss that. :|


i hate myself for hurting you. Up until now, i was carrying that vague feeling of mine. Seeing you like that kills me, and hurts me. If I could only hug you, and kiss you, hold your hand and tell you everything's gonna be okay. I f I could only be with you forever.. 


Everything's gonna be okay, right? :|